I don’t know if it’s just me but I feel like Cokes got too much hype and a funky reputation to go along with it. But I guess it’s people’s faults. They get tweak with it.
Shred too hard on that fresh pow pow.
I feel like my boarders have been breached. I’m no longer free to be here in my own world at peace. Every word on here, magnified. It can’t just be freedom of speech because what I think and what I say has a price an I ain’t willing to pay. That shit ain’t free.
Freedom of speech is too expensive for me.
I just wanna cuddle up. Curl into his arms. Fall asleep to his pillow kisses, wake to him teasing me softly with his touch.
The spaces between my fingers were cold and called for the heat if his own. I am warm again. I feel my heart beat, I’m alive. He breathes it into me with every contraction of his lungs and the beats of his heart.
We lay in the dark. So peaceful. From under the water, we come up for air. I fold my jaw into the crook of his neck, whisper, “I love you.” “I love you too.” I cower, “you just like me for the sex.”
I’m afraid, afraid to lose him yet too afraid to let myself fall. Fall into his arms, fall onto the place I call home.
Too classy for that grudge shit!
Tomorrow is Valentines Day. Buy a girl some flowers. Every girl wants flowers on Valentines Day.
I’m a stranger in my own life. On the outside looking in. Passively, watching myself live a life full of emotion. At the end if the day I go back inside myself, back home and reflect on all the things I was witness to. The events that unfolded, the actions ensued.
I don’t know if that was a fight or not. It makes me so sad. I just want to be able to say how I feel without so many fucking explosions. It makes me anxious and scared. I’m scared. Little scardy cat.
I want a cigarette. Someone go buy me a pack. Better yet, someone who looks like me just give me your id until April. Put it on long term barrow.
So happy to be happy.
having him back is the greatest feeling but then again im terrified. what if i lose him again? will i lose myself? i dont even want to imagine it so i wont, ill just hold onto me and him and my hope. ❤
Accidentally misread an email and thought I was accepted to sdsu. I got way too excited then read it again and was like ‘oh they aren’t accepting until march…’ Awkward moment of the year.
I don’t want to be sick anymore. Fuck it. Fuck it.
But it’s too beautiful to be inside so I’m out.
Helping me up. Out of my hole. I just want love. I’m ready to be lovable.
I keep dropping weight, I think. I haven’t weighed myself yet but people have commented on it and even to me it look like it. I don’t know what it is… Is it the grittarettes or the sadness, depression?
I’m stopping smoking for Ryan.
I stopped drinking for Ryan.
I stopped partying for Ryan.
I stopped hanging out with most guys for Ryan.
Everything for Ryan.
I think I need to go for a run. If I’m dropping weight like this I feel that I should at least be toned as I do it. Fix the damage that I may have inflicted for all those cigarettes.
Sometimes I’d sit there smoking and then look at my hang and be like, “what the fuck am I doin?” Then I’d pause, take a drag and be all like, “oh yea, I’m fuckin smoking this grittarette.” Maybe smoking is the thing that’s making me throw up super randomly all the time and maybe it’s the smoking that’s delaying with my cycle. It can’t be healthy (obviously, I mean it’s already not healthy to smoke but ya know..) to start smoking so much so abruptly.
On a better note though, I’m glad my dogs now get to sleep with me. They do suck because they’re so small yet take up so much room! Those brats. I love them though so much.
I don’t care if I think I look good, I only care if he thinks so…
Let’s go back. Back to when we were young and life was just fun.
The sun is rising and things are good. Not the best but what else would a young girl guess?